odi et amo
by ShinigamiForever
Summary: Title means I hate and I love. A rather reduction of prose until it borders on poetry. A handful of thoughts as one says goodbye. A Harry/Draco production.


Odi Et Amo  
By: ShinigamiForever  
  
Sometimes I am at war with myself, and I cannot think what it would be like if I stayed at war  
with you, with the music blaring in my ears as you yelled lyrics I could not understand, silent   
lyrics with your eyes and your lips and your fingers, as if you could break me with just one   
skin line drawn across my palm. Yes, and I will draw whatever conclusion from whatever you did,  
and both of us are broken, broken like your collection of glass figurines that you thrashedwhen  
you were angry and both of us are dead lying open on your grave, your grave which has not been  
dug yet but yet is still there. Laugh at ironies played by Atropos who says when we should die.  
  
Sometimes you tell me more than I need to know but mostly you don't tell me enough, because if  
you did we would always be together, and I do not need another shadow but you need something  
even if it is not me. I never really believed in love and you still don't, so I guess we are   
even because you have told me never to believe in truth. I don't anymore, and I somtimes can't  
trust what I hear because I think I am insane from loving you. Even though I hate you more than  
you will ever know, I love you because of that hate, and you have taught me to lie so well I   
think I could fool even you, but you do not need fooling, you believe me in a way you shouldn't.  
  
If you believed in anything that came from me, you would be surprised at how much of it   
was lies and untruths that you fed from deep down somewhere, and you have changed me. I   
don't want to think what it would have been like if you just simply loved me for what I   
was and not for what I have become, and you have corrupted not innocence but you   
corrupted what could not have changed, but was me, and you loved me. And I would like to  
think you believed in me, just as I believed in you, but you did not. I lie to only me.  
You do not believe in my lies and that is just as well. Then both of us would be lying.  
  
It might as well be my fault when I gave up everything to you, with two hands tied  
behind my back as I try to reach. And you cried tears of cold thunder, with the raindrop  
color falling down your cheeks like things unspoken, as you fled away. From something  
you were not afraid of but said you were. There was a time when words were only words   
and not weapons to hurt me with, like when you whispered the unspeakable words on my   
skin, and told me you loved and you hated me and you wished we could tie up our ankles   
together and walk in life together. I have a question, but you do not understand me.  
  
The sound of the approaching wind that drives me slowly  
insane as your voice beats against the last of what  
I can control. Perhaps it is only a mental thing and   
it shall pass, but now I am listening to only you and  
I can feel only you and I am dead, stabbed by a knife  
that was not yours. Are you happy? What if you are not?  
Do you answer questions that are not really questions?  
  
A little fox danced in shadows in your mind and you  
are still looking for its footprints in the forest  
although it is years past. And although both of us  
are broken you are the one that is the least broken  
and that is why you survive and I will die. It is  
that simple. At night I dream about you like you  
dream about the little fox. I wish the fox was me.  
  
To hear the train nearing  
as it blows its whistle  
to beckon you away! Ah  
you are cruel to make   
me stay and watch you go,  
waving at me through the  
windows that you paved.  
  
You are something that  
has no meaning but   
continues to exist   
because things demand  
of you that have more  
meaning than you, but  
I do not believe in it.  
  
I will not  
be the one  
to say   
goodbye  
because you  
have always  
been the one.  
  
If I look  
for you  
what will  
I find?  
  
Me  
And  
You  
  
What  
We  
Lost  
  
W  
H  
E  
N  
  
A  
P  
A  
R  
T  
.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: This is what happens when you succumb to plot bunnies. Title means I love and I hate. ::dodges flying fruit and vegetables:: Reviews please? 


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